Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Mom said you looked used
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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