Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
