I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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