If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
