Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize