i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
