I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
