I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
