She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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