then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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