Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
