they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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