my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This toilet bowl is my home.
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