Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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