fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
