me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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