Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
