You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
