There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize