I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
