You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
