My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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