No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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