yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
