Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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