the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
