I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
