we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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