They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
