he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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