She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
