She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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