He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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