Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
