If i come over, it means nothing
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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