People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you will always have a special place in my vag
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
A bitchslap is in order.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
