My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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