i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
