I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
