Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
