He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
