after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
