That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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