Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
