you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
