Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
