she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
