Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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