I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
