I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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