It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
