My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
