I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am midnight drunk by noon
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
