Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
