You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the raccoons are back...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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