And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
