Buhtt sex?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
a search helicopter?!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
