is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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