Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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