there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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