so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
