Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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