i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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