i jhust puked up my retainher.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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