so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
