i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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