then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
