Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
