I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
