i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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