He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
