Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
