Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
