How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
